So today my post is about wanting what I have...

I've been meditating lately on wanting what I have. It's one thing to say that I am totally happy and it's another completely, to say that I want what I have and really accept it. Wanting what I have means that I appreciate and more importantly, accept my path in this life with all of it's diverse scenery. There were and will be points during the journey which seem unjustifiable. Part of the notion of wanting what I have is putting these instances in to a perspective that is balanced with the big picture.

Anyhow here's an example of wanting what I have...

I took Michael (7) to see his doctor yesterday. His doctor wanted to make sure a dose of medication he's taking is still appropriate for his weight. Michael has been diagnosed with ADHD and Auditory Processing Disorder... in other words or rather letters, ADHD/APD. Anyhow, I must admit that I sometimes catch myself wondering what I did "wrong" when I was pregnant? He's a very healthy boy but he has a couple of serious learning disorders. Was it sanding the hardwood floors at our first house during my second trimester? Was it painting the walls of his nursery two weeks before he was born? Was it the Pitocin drip, unmonitored during my labor which sent my heart crashing and me in to emergency surgery?

I was driving and wondering on the way to his appointment. We pulled up to the office and got out. Michael kissed me. He kisses me a million times a day and I'm telling you it's the best thing ever. I decided at that moment, that I would not look back and wonder because I wouldn't change who Michael is given a chance. So why lament? I want what I have and more importantly, I love him completely.

My son is the kindest child I have ever met. He has a wise and gentle soul that belies his years. The child cries when bugs die, while most children his age are trying to kill them. He has a sense of empathy well beyond his years. His wit is sharp and his imagination puts mine, even as a child, to shame. I would like to take credit for some of this list of attributes but I can't any more than I can take credit for his learning disabilities. He is who he is and I love him with all my heart.